You can't special order awesome
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
