4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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