just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
