Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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