Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
