I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
