You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
