Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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