you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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