is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
