please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
