Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
