tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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