Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
