shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
