hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
