like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
