i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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