$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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