Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
