Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
