I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
