I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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