i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
