i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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