Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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