I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
