even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
