if you like me you must not know who I am
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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