just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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