I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
