I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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