I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
