You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
