I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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