omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
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She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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