the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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