You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
