Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
