we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
