There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We're too hungover to prance.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
