i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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