so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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