The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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