I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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