Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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