What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
this is an emotional support booty call
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
