I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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