So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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