My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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