Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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