Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
