Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
