Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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