Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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