how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
