my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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