But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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