I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
