I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
