If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
