so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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