The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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