So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
