Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
