the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
