I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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