i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
