the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
