hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
