booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
