Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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