Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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