just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
