if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
