best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
