that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
