I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
