she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i've created a new STD.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
