I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I would fuck him just for his dog
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
