Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
