I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
