Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
