girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
