Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
