I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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