you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
