dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
