So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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